I can feel every cell beating, beating
it’s not safe to be so sensitive- bleeding, bleeding
and the words don’t look the same in my head, in my head
Now all I see is blue, before it was red, it was red

I don’t know if I want it to hurt less or more
I want to feel alive
but there’s pills for that
there’s something I can take
to escape while still living my life
but I want to feel alive

So I pray some days to nothing, to nothing
just to feel my hands like two birds fluttering, fluttering
the ritual is dead but still somehow breathing, breathing
and for the first time I’m not afraid of needing, needing

I don’t know if I want it to hurt less or more
I want to feel alive
but there’s pills for that
there’s something I can take
to escape while still living my life
but I want to feel alive

I don’t see ghosts
I see myself one, two, three years ago
I don’t see ghosts
I see you one, two, three years ago

in the circles we run at the end of our leashes and chains
in the metal we forged to pull us into and out of this pain
I pulled the petals, loves me, loves me not, let’s try this again
I pulled the petals, loves me not, loves me, let’s try this again
let’s try this again

until one day I wake up and I don’t care anymore
until one day I wake up and I don’t care
until one day I wake up
until one day
until
until
until