The Devil

02 Nov

jessi | November 2nd,2010 | Lyrics - Drafts | No Comments »

so go and kiss your lover
while I light a cigarette
your lips liked each other
the moment that they met

and mine will never quiver
as I lean against the wall
under the blow that you deliver
unaware of where it falls

The devil may care
I may be the devil too
but I’ve got my air of bravado
even if I don’t have you

walking home with headphones on
trying to soothe the sting
listening to sad songs
only Billie knows how to sing

then I’ll slide off my shoes
slip off my dress
a little wine and the Blues
can masquerade as happiness

The devil may care
I may be the devil too
but I’ve got my air of bravado
even if I don’t have you

so go and kiss your lover
while I count all my mistakes
there might be room for another
now you’re the one I’ll never make

The devil may care
I may be the devil too
but I’ve got my air of bravado
even if I don’t have you

You Lost Me Last Night

13 Oct

jessi | October 13th,2010 | Lyrics - Drafts | No Comments »

You lost me last night
It’s nobody’s fault but your own
You lost me last night
Don’t bother calling my phone

Don’t ask me if I’m mad
Don’t ask me if I’m blue
I might be angry or sad
It’s nothing to you

You lost me last night
What’s done can’t be undone
You lost me last night
Now my heart can never be won

So don’t hug me too long
After all we’re just friends
Sure we got along
But all nothings come to an end

You lost me last night
Even though you can’t see it yet
You lost me last night
You may or may not feel regret

Now my heart is a fortress
You’ve been shut out of the walls
You’ll never eat in these courts
You’ll never dance in these halls

Cuz you lost me last night

The Act and The Intention

22 Sep

jessi | September 22nd,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

There’s a sullen whispering in the trees
Stirred by the fallen angel in the leaves
The streetlights used to glow only for me
Now they’re pale, broken, and diseased

I always want the wrong thing at the wrong time
It’s safer to want impossibilities
It’s the same as not wanting anything
If I said I don’t want anything, would you believe me?

The sky is crowded with the tempest brewing
Even Mother Nature is confused by what she’s doing
All the puddles were full of phantom rainbows
Now they’re muddy, colorless, and ruined

I always want the wrong thing at the wrong time
It’s safer to want impossibilities
It’s the same as not wanting anything
If I said I don’t want anything, would you believe me?

I’m a ball of fear
In aimless rotation
Knock me out of my ellipse
Be the god of my creation
Unless it’s divine
It’s a pointless intervention
And I’ll be just fine
Between the act and the intention

I always want the wrong thing at the wrong time
It’s safer to want impossibilities
It’s the same as not wanting anything
If I said I don’t want anything, would you believe me?

Until, until, until

29 Aug

jessi | August 29th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I can feel every cell beating, beating
it’s not safe to be so sensitive- bleeding, bleeding
and the words don’t look the same in my head, in my head
Now all I see is blue, before it was red, it was red

I don’t know if I want it to hurt less or more
I want to feel alive
but there’s pills for that
there’s something I can take
to escape while still living my life
but I want to feel alive

So I pray some days to nothing, to nothing
just to feel my hands like two birds fluttering, fluttering
the ritual is dead but still somehow breathing, breathing
and for the first time I’m not afraid of needing, needing

I don’t know if I want it to hurt less or more
I want to feel alive
but there’s pills for that
there’s something I can take
to escape while still living my life
but I want to feel alive

I don’t see ghosts
I see myself one, two, three years ago
I don’t see ghosts
I see you one, two, three years ago

in the circles we run at the end of our leashes and chains
in the metal we forged to pull us into and out of this pain
I pulled the petals, loves me, loves me not, let’s try this again
I pulled the petals, loves me not, loves me, let’s try this again
let’s try this again

until one day I wake up and I don’t care anymore
until one day I wake up and I don’t care
until one day I wake up
until one day
until
until
until

Unsealed

20 Aug

jessi | August 20th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

If I cry you’ll give me something to cry about
If I’m in a rage you’ll play the martyr with a sullen pout
If I am terrified you’ll say, “Hey, it’s no big deal.”
Everyone’s been telling me all my life not to feel what I feel

If I am anxious you’ll tell me to get it out of my head
If I can’t sleep for worry you’ll send me back to bed
If I am wounded you’ll say, “There’s nothing that time won’t heal.”
Everyone’s been telling me all my life not to feel what I feel

So I’m like a coat of paint peeling in the sun
I’m like a child’s game that’s slowly lost all its fun
I’m like a love letter that’s never been unsealed
but everyone’s been telling me all my life not to feel what I feel

My Body Betrays Me

15 Aug

jessi | August 15th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I expect betrayal from the people that I know
cuz people always fail, friends will come and go
but my body’s the one, the one that I can’t trust
my body talks behind my back before it stabs me in the gut

and it’s doing things I would never have believed
sometimes I win the fight, sometimes it brings me to my knees

a deep breath, I can feel fire leap between my palms
a deep breath, we’ll call it a truce if I can just keep hanging on
a deep breath, I can feel oceans rise and then recede
a deep breath, I don’t know whether to hate or love what’s inside of me

every day’s a struggle but I smile on the street
I keep my enemies close and now the secret lives in me
the pills and the needles, the scalpels and IVs
I keep closing my eyes and thinking “this cannot be me”

but when I open my eyes I feel the same
a prisoner held captive by fear and pain

then a deep breath, and I can feel fire leap between my palms
a deep breath, we’ll call this a truce if I can just keep hanging on
a deep breath, I can feel oceans rise and then recede
a deep breath, I don’t know whether to hate or love what’s inside of me

when my body betrays me, I don’t know whether to hate or love
what’s inside of me

Retold by Machines

06 Aug

jessi | August 6th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I don’t want to be fed to a machine
I don’t want the wrinkles ironed out
I don’t want the smudges laundered clean

I don’t want to tumble at someone’s command
I don’t want to be somebody’s doll
dressed up and blinking on demand

I want my flaws to read like braille
I want to be proud when I succeed and even prouder when I fail
I’ll be holy, I’ll be obscene
But I’ll never be bottled and retold by some machine

I don’t want the money to be my king
I don’t want to bow down at his throne
I don’t want to question why I sing

I don’t want the pretense to pass for art
I don’t want to dress it up or hide it
when something’s broken my heart

I want my flaws to read like braille
I want to be proud when I succeed and even prouder when I fail
I’ll be holy, I’ll be obscene
But I’ll never be bottled and retold by some machine

and this is why I’m not impressed by the things that you adore
this is why my radio’s in pieces on the floor
this is why I hesitate at an open door

I don’t want to be fed to a machine
I don’t want the smudges laundered clean
I don’t want the money to be my king
I’ll never be bottled and retold by some machine

The Lie

21 May

jessi | May 21st,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I didn’t know how to feel
I didn’t know how to say what I felt
I didn’t know how to show you what I am
I didn’t know how to speak without lying

So I took the letters and formed them into words
On a white piece of paper, sterile and safe
Until I worked the alchemy known to no one but me
To turn words into weapons, to wound you, to bleed you

And I was the martyr who rose up against you
I was the survivor who poured gasoline on you
And danced in the dead light of a fire I ignited
I felt justified to hurt you, to burn you, to turn on you

Because I didn’t know how to feel
I didn’t know how to say what I felt
I didn’t know how to show you what I am
I didn’t know how to speak without lying

This love, it’s bitter and corrupt
This love, it’s ugly and used up
I won’t apologize, it wasn’t my fault
And now I’m addicted, now I am wicked
Now I know how to feel, I know what to say, I know what I am, I know how to speak, I know the truth
but I prefer the lie

It’s Always Raining

19 May

jessi | May 19th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

It was raining, it was raining
I forgot to wear my coat
Then I was swimming, I was swimming
in the water without a boat

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I’m drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You’re the only thing I want to hold on to

I can’t fight it, I can’t fight it
It’s either sink or float
So I embrace it, I embrace it
Though the water’s at my throat

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I’m drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You’re the only thing I want to hold on to

Without a cloud in the sky I feel the flood begin to rise
No use asking why it’s always raining when the sun’s in my eyes

What am I to say? What am I to do?
I’m drowning on dry land, hung up on you
What am I to say? What am I to do?
You’re the only thing I want to hold on to

Whiskey and Cigarettes

16 Apr

jessi | April 16th,2010 | 2011 - Small Town Girls, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

A real woman drinks whiskey and smokes cigarettes
Until the room’s spinning she feels no regrets
And when closing time comes she’ll face the night alone
A real woman don’t need a man to walk her home

You ask if she’s lonely, she says, “Not for one minute.
I strangled trouble before you could begin it.”
You don’t understand her and how distant she gets
When she drinks her whiskey and smokes those cigarettes

She gets under your skin and stays there somehow
You cannot possess her, but you can hold her for now
She’ll leave you with questions, she’ll leave you with regret
Someday she’ll just leave you even though you can’t see it yet

’cause a real woman don’t need anyone’s help getting home
A real woman don’t feel lonely even when she’s alone
A real woman conquers you and then quickly forgets
A real woman drinks whiskey and smokes cigarettes

Spring Thaw (Volcano)

19 Mar

jessi | March 19th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

All things are boiling up
in a red, messy inverted cup
The heat melts all of my stone
I don’t know how to live in this skin and bone

I don’t want to thaw out, I like the desert and the drought
I want to be cliff’s edge hard, I want to be glacier scarred

But I don’t want to thaw out
because I don’t remember
how to live
in this
skin and bone

When ciphers come spilling down
in molten waves from my crown
I feel the first shiver in stone
I don’t know how to live in this skin and bone

I don’t want to thaw out, I like the darkness and doubt
I want to be ice storm gray, I want to be a winter’s day

But I don’t want to thaw out
because I don’t remember
how to live
in this
skin and bone

Broken Soldiers

17 Feb

jessi | February 17th,2010 | 2010 - Trooper Soundtrack, By Album, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

When I was bright and new
I volunteered to keep watch over you
and when you sent me far from all I know
I thought of you waiting for me when I get home
if I get home

When it was over you didn’t want to play
with the toy soldiers you refuse to put away
I risked my body, I spilled my blood
All I’m asking you is just come pick me up
come pick me up

Now I’m broken and used
I feel forgotten, abandoned and bruised
After all I gave for you, what I endured
You said, I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore
I can’t see you

When it was over you didn’t want to play
with the toy soldiers you refuse to put away
I risked my body, I spilled my blood
All I’m asking you is just come pick me up
come pick me up

Never Let Them See You Cry

17 Feb

jessi | February 17th,2010 | 2010 - Trooper Soundtrack, By Album, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

Bullets and stones may break your bones
And names may be tattooed on your skin
They say that all wounds will heal in time
Whether the cause lies without or within

Your body is a road map of all the places you have seen
You should be proud of the fault lines and the ravines
You’ve been battered and scarred, you’re not afraid to die
But you never let them see you cry
You never let them see you cry

You’re flesh and blood, you’re skin and bone
But your spine is iron, your will is steel
They say that idle hands are the devil’s tools
So you use them to distract yourself from what you feel

Your body is a road map of all the places you have seen
You should be proud of the fault lines and the ravines
You’ve been battered and scarred, you’re not afraid to die
But you never let them see you cry
You never let them see you cry

Please Stand Down

26 Jan

jessi | January 26th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I don’t see no savior here
So I tried to grow an olive tree
Your soil may be hard and mean
If you are tainted just come clean
Together we could change the Fates decree

I don’t see no savior here
Maybe it’s too late to change anything
I said, please stand down
Give up your weapons and your crowns
But they said somebody has got to be the king

I don’t see no savior here
Just survivors, directionless and scared
And we’re all clinging to these creeds
To justify our words and deeds
I hope someday our ravages can be repaired

All we’ve got are these small hands and these big thoughts
The people we have loved and lost and fought
The hopes we laid to rest, the dreams we sought
Give up your weapons and your crowns
Please stand down

You and Me

26 Jan

jessi | January 26th,2010 | 2011 - Small Town Girls, By Album, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

We walk in shadow, we walk in light
and what’s to become of us?
There may not be another tomorrow or tonight
so why do we waste today on the same old fight?

don’t stop now, we’ve only just begun
don’t stop now, we thought we were so young
but you and me, while we can sing and we can breathe
there’s still time to believe in something
and I believe in you and me

The moon turns red, the sun grows weak
and it breaks our hearts
Can’t look at what’s looming above or what’s beneath
So where do we turn when the earth shudders under our feet?

don’t stop now, we’ve only just begun
don’t stop now, we thought we were so young
but you and me, while we can sing and we can breathe
there’s still time to believe in something
and I believe in you and me

I believe in something
I believe in you and me

Coal

15 Jan

jessi | January 15th,2010 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

Some people take their sorrow and wear it like a necklace
Of black coal, it gets all over their skin and clothes
Some people chew it up for breakfast
and it clings to their teeth, it stings and it shows

But I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they’re beautiful
I press down, I press down

Some people take their hurt and use it like ammunition
A pocket full of stones, throw one without looking
Where it lands, let it loose and someone else is down
Feel better with another body lying on the ground

But I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they’re beautiful
I press down, I press down

My hands are covered in old scars, cut all to ribbons
I find new ways to smile and hide them
When I’m tired, I take a deep breath and stand a bit straighter
I pretend, but I don’t break and I don’t bend, nothing can make me change

I swallow it whole and when I get full
I press down, I press down
I make diamonds out of my coal, they’re beautiful
I press down, I press down

Don’t Come in Here

14 Dec

jessi | December 14th,2009 | 2011 - Small Town Girls, By Album, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I know the lock won’t hold
I could pry it open with a butter knife
and the door’s only a cheap piece of plywood
but I still get the urge to check it twice

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don’t come in here
please just don’t come in here

I wrote on the wall with black ink
A caricature saying, “happy holiday”
Then I drew all over my arms and legs
It’s permanent but it washes away

I sit on the floor with my back against the door
trying to disappear, just don’t come in here
please just don’t come in here

I never wore a cap and a gown
They said I’d never get out of this town
But I defied everyone
I always knew how to hide, then I learned to run

So I don’t have to sit on the floor with my back against the door
Trying to disappear, please just don’t come in here
please just don’t come in here
just don’t come in here

Half Moon

30 Oct

jessi | October 30th,2009 | 2011 - Small Town Girls, By Album, Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

Half-circle moons glow in my palms
The mark will fade if that’s what I want
But I need it to conjure your trembling ghost
You’re still the drug I crave the most

You meant well, yeah you meant for good
But it all turned to shit like we knew it would
Now I can’t see your eyes or taste your lips
Your moon killed my sun in a noiseless eclipse

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
but we all lie to hide what we cannot show

I feel my body break away from me
Fragments spinning out without gravity
In the stereo static I can’t be read
I tried to laugh but I screamed instead

You put me together, you pulled me apart
You cradled my head, you buried my heart
The day was too long but it ended too soon
My sun wastes away in the glow of your moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

So I straighten my shoulders and hold up my head
Pour out my wine and break my bread
I wanted to walk but I danced instead
Under the half-moon

Will it wax, will it wane, the way I feel?
Will it reveal that we are strangers?
Some of us lie together, some of us lie alone
But we all lie to hide what we cannot show

Airplanes

10 Sep

jessi | September 10th,2009 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

the airplanes fly overhead all night
I wish I was on one, on any flight
this is not the way that I imagined my life
so take me far away from it tonight

I can’t afford a ticket anyway
and I’m afraid of crashing so I end up praying
even though I don’t believe in anything
except this dream of getting far away

get up, shower, brush your teeth
find some clothes, walk to the subway
ride to manhattan, go to work,
do your job, then catch the subway home
try to relax and sleep, try to relax and sleep
and listen enviously to the airplanes that you’ll never ride on
flying over Brooklyn all night, endlessly
goodnight

Rein Me In

10 Sep

jessi | September 10th,2009 | Lyrics (ALL) | No Comments »

I’m all passion and no sense
leave the gate open while mending the fence
won’t take the bit at my own expense
who’s gonna rein me in

I think too much so I hold my tongue
You already caught me, that’s when I start to run
Broke the bridle when I was young
who’s gonna rein me in

I hold myself so still
While I detonate inside
In the aftershock I’m surprised you don’t see
The flames flowering in my eyes

But I smile brightly while I’m bleeding
My mind is stern, but my eyes are pleading
without a bridle, without a bit
who’s gonna rein me in

Jessi Robertson: Lyrics

Drawing pretty things